The bus ride was cold and we watched Mall Cop three times in a row. Shoot me. People were sharing newspaper pages to use as blankets. No one wanted to seem ungrateful for the last few hours of air-conditioning we were going to have for the next seven days, so no one complained. While I swaddled myself in the sports section, I took in the Iowan countryside and enjoyed seeing all the corn and soybean fields. I was in absolute awe of the giant windmills up there. Oddly enough, they almost seemed majestic to me.
Oh! And five minutes before that? A stealth bomber was circling our campsite. Talk about a surreal moment! I'm pretty sure I had forgotten my own name at this point and could only foam up a few spit bubbles.
And while we all filed under this busted ass covered deck for "our shelter" (tornado sirens blazing) - are you effing kidding me?! - we were calmly briefed about tomorrow's ride into the next town. No one seemed to flinch about the funnel-shaped cloud in the background. I was deperately scanning the crowd for Ashton Kutcher popping up and screaming, "You've been punk'd!" but he never showed and the rest of the pro-cycling team didn't seem to be bothered in the slightest.
Did I mention that my bike was still in a box, on the front lawn, completely disassembled, with many tiny parts, and I had never even learned to pump my own tires?! Someone needed to hold me, sheild me, sweep me away from this evil doom and gloom! But I was there all by myself. It was clear that I was in WAY over my head!




1 comment:
Heather,
If you don't start writing articles for newspapers and magazines, you ought to be hanged! You have talent girl.
I laughed the whole way through your last blog.
Mee
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