Anyone know a good dentist?

I went to the dentist yesterday which, for me, is exactly like voluntary torture. I loathe the dentist. It always hurts and it's never good news. And, lucky me, I get the added bonus of inheriting bad teeth. I never have cavities... but I do have bone loss which means I have to go every six months. I get close to tears every time I sit in the chair because I feel like he's going to yell at me and tell me I need dentures. He always tells me that I'm ridiculous and am not remotely close to that possibility, but I'm phobic nonetheless. I like my teeth and would like to keep them as long as possible. (At least, until they can invent some alternative to dentures which to me seems like a big Lee-press-on-nail that doesn't want to stay pressed.) It turns my stomach just thinking about it.

Anyway, I totally hate the dentist and get shaky hands and sweaty palms and stress headaches just because it's literally torture to me. Not only do I have extremely sensitive gums, but the grinding and squealing of all those instruments just adds a perfect soundtrack to the dental "cleaning" torture that is my hell. Plus, I'm probably a big baby. So, I like to make sure that these people know that I need laughing gas and numbing topical before I get there! And I need to start inhaling that crap the second I get in the chair... before that dentist dude gets within 10 feet of me!

So there I was yesterday feeling high as hell and inhaling as deep as I could, while telling these people that I didn't think it was on high enough so that they would crank that mo' fo' way up. Which they did and I felt even more tingly and lovely.

Before we began I let the lady know that I felt like I was drinking alone. (In hindsight, this seems like fair warning.)

So the lady starts swabbing that numbing topical all over my gums while I began embarrassing myself. She said, "I'm sorry this tastes so bad." and I said, "I would let you rub your butt on my face if you told me it would numb my gums." Then I laughed. Really hard. And she didn't.

I told her that although I really loved her, I thought the actual dentist office was a dump and that I would never recommend it to my friends. (How unbelievably rude! Who says that!?!?!?)

Then, I gained control of the spit vacuum! I was using it every 2 seconds because I loved sucking out the spit myself way too much and she had to keep scolding me because I wouldn't stop! She had to keep taking it away from me over and over again. But I didn't care. I fought to hold it.

Also, she confided in me that she was having fertility issues and that the doctor's think she might be pre-menopausal. Know what I did? I died laughing!!!!

(Obviously, I don't think fertility issues are funny.)

So she says, "You think that's funny?" And I said "Oh God No!" but I left it at that because I didn't know how to explain to her that I laughed because at that very moment, I felt like a pair of parenthesis.

PARENTHESIS!!!!

Don't ask because I have no clue!

That laughing gas... It's some good sh*t! But seriously, I'm soooo changing dentists. I'm red in the face right now just reliving my mortifying behavior!

The worst part was at the very end when she told me she had a migraine and was going to leave work early because she felt so debilitated. A freaking migraine! I never shut up once! Can you imagine!?!?! At this point I was only inhaling oxygen and was becoming more and more aware of what an ass I had been! I apologized to her profusely and felt really terrible because I probably put her over the edge with my shenanigans. I totally blow myself away and now I need to find a new dentist.